Restoration...Part Two!

The camper restoration is coming along, though not as quickly as I’d hoped.  I missed the North Georgia Vintage Camper Rally in Hiawassee at the end of August.  I had planned on the rally being the inaugural camping expedition since it’s “facelift” even though it wasn’t even finished yet when I registered! I thought that having a deadline would be the fuel that I needed to work on the restoration with more diligence and focus! It was a good plan, but we all know what happens to the best-laid plans…

I spent about two weeks of focused energy on the camper restoration this summer, then in early August, we took it over to a paint and body shop where it remains today.  Originally, I thought I’d be able to paint it myself (I mean, I’m doing the entire restoration without knowing what I’m doing, so why not throw in a paint job?!), then Bart said that he wanted the job of painting it as his contribution to the project.  As the “deadline” approached, though, he pointed out the benefits of utilizing a paint shop for this job given that they had a few advantages over us in the painting department…like knowledge, experience, proper equipment *insert eye roll here*.  I reluctantly agreed given the looming deadline.  When the body shop suggested a three-week turnaround time, I knew the camper rally was out of the question.  At first, I’m not going to lie…I was angry and looking for someone to blame.  I blamed myself for not spending more time on it this past spring.  I blamed Bart for procrastinating once he volunteered himself for the painting responsibility. I blamed the paint shop for not dropping everything at that moment to devote night and day to getting MY job done (because that’s reasonable to think that everyone should be waiting around for us to arrive so that they can serve us, right?!)  But, after about 10 minutes of sulking, I told myself to let it go.  I believe that in life, there’s a reason for everything, so I chose to accept that there was a reason that I wasn’t going to make it to this rally, and I moved on.  This got me to thinking, though (surprise, surprise…)….
Restoration hardly ever goes the way that we think it will and is almost never “on time”!  Whether it is something that we restore in the physical realm (an object, our body…) or the emotional/mental realm (freedom from addiction, abuse recovery, developing new habits), we tend to have a mental framework of what that process will look like, but rarely does the actual plan happen the way that we envisioned it to be.

This camper project…there were times that I just really wanted to cover up parts of it with something pretty so that I didn’t have to pull out more rotten wood.  I was already struggling with even knowing what to do many times, so to find more things that needed to come out before new could go in, I just really wanted to put the new in on top of it and pretend that the rot wasn’t there.  Isn’t that just like life??!  I’m just going to keep going…pretending…denying that the hurt, pain, addiction, you-name-it is there, and we’ll smile and put on a good show that everything is fine.  This works until it crumbles.  How much more effective we could be at restoration if we could find the strength to pull out what needs replacing and then replace it with something good!

The main problem with this plan is that we don’t generally have the strength in ourselves to be able to pull out the bad to deal with it.  I mentioned my friend, Rich, in the last Restoration post.  I had done everything that I knew to do from a “counseling perspective” to grieve his death and to receive restoration.  I put in the work emotionally.  I began this camper restoration project as a physical means to grieve and heal.  The problem was that my efforts helped just enough to help me keep going, but not enough to restore me.  My journey towards restoration began when I set aside time dedicated to recovery and when I began to include others in my process of healing.  I came to realize that I needed other people to help me process all the thoughts and reasoning that had been swirling around in my mind, restoration didn’t mean that everything that happened was ok, and that I could do the work that God called me to do if I honored past/people/experiences through restoration rather than keeping myself broken out of guilt in moving forward (as if they would like for us to remain miserable?!) or weakness.

As with any restoration, I don’t think there’s ever a time when we think we’re done.  We can stand back and appreciate how far we’ve come with our project whether it’s an object or ourselves, and we always see the hidden imperfections.  This is ok.  It keeps us humble. Let’s just focus on how far we’ve come, though, appreciate it, and continue working on improvement.

So, the camper before and after...still not finished with the outside, but it is improved to say the least!

The interior is coming along...

Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace.  And the God of love and peace will be with you.  2 Cor. 13:11

Restoration

Restoration

I love old things. I love the smell of dusty, worn books; the look of rusted metal and the weathering of old wood. My Granny used to laugh at my "rescues". I spent my entire childhood watching her make biscuits using an old metal sifter. It was white with red apples and green stems. Most of the paint had worn away in many places after years of use, and there was a hole about the size of a quarter in the bottom of the sifter that had formed after probably thousands of pans of biscuits had been rolled out, dusted with flour, and cut into perfectly formed circles.  She even picked up each one and gently pressed the sides that weren't quite perfect before placing them in the pan to bake. (Not being a detailed person at all, when I've made biscuits as an adult, they've always been "drop" biscuits, and I've given each one full freedom to be decidedly imperfect!).  One day, when I was sitting on the countertop as a teenager, watching my Granny make biscuits, she lamented about that old, worn-out sifter, and tossed it over into the trash can! I hopped right off the counter and retrieved it faster than she could turn back around! She said " What in the world would you want that old sifter for?!" to which I replied that it represented peace, family, contentment, and love to me. Now, it sits in my glass front cabinet so that I can see it anytime I pass. It reminds me every time I see it of her love for her family and oh, how glad I am that I rescued it...

On October 25, 2015, I texted this picture below to a close friend. It’s an old 1950's model camper that I had decided on a whim to go buy. (My husband says that he has learned to be surprised at nothing!).

My friend, Rich, was a Volkswagen enthusiast and loved to restore them. He had just about finished a recent rebuild (from the ground up!) and was always interested in a fun project! As soon as I texted him the picture of the camper, he called me "over the moon" excited about the purchase and asked , "Hey, if I help you rebuild it, can I use it some, too?!" I readily agreed, of course, as I know NOTHING...I repeat, NOTHING, about rebuilding, well...anything! I sometimes have too much confidence that I can figure things out as I go. 

On November 30, 2015, Rich committed suicide. 

I won't go into all the details nor the grieving process that I have been through, but I will say that it was almost excruciating to look at that camper after that. Sometimes, I would not even be able to look at it, and sometimes, I would just sit in it and cry.  I didn't start any work on the camper at all.  It just sat there on my land as a reminder of a project that was supposed to be fun but just brought pain at that point.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine told me that she had a dream about Rich. She said that in her dream, she and I were out at the camper working on it when Rich drove up in his truck. He got out of his truck and walked towards the camper, and I peeked my head out the door and just stood there dumbfounded. I said something to him about him being gone, asked him why he had gone away, and commented that he was SUPPOSED to help me with the camper! (Cause that's what was important in that moment, right?! *rolling eyes*). He laughed and said, "You've got this! You can do it!", got back in his truck and drove away. 

I don't know if the dream gave me peace or made me mad (there are those roller-coaster emotions of grief coming out...), but at any rate, I used whatever energy that came from those emotions to start work on the camper. It's in pretty bad shape, so there is a lot that needs to be torn out. Pent-up emotions that I didn't even realize that I had have come out with fury as I'm tearing out walls, cabinets, flooring. When you think you can't "feel" anything emotionally, try smacking yourself in the face with paneling that pulls free suddenly or have the cabinet fall on you as you're removing nails and the remaining nails pull free from rotten wood (Yes, I've had the pleasure of having emotional releases from both experiences recently.)  Healing and restoration of ourselves comes in many different forms and in our own time. My time wasn't in the past five months. I was working through some things slowly during that time through a few conversations with close friends about the situation and several intentional meetings with good mentors, but now, through the camper project, I've felt progression. I don't know that we ever reach a point in tragedies where we feel completely "healed" (whatever that means...).  I think we hope to get to the point of not allowing our pain to have daily strongholds on us, and we begin using our experiences for good, but this is "healing".  Regarding the camper, my Granny would laugh and say she doesn't understand why I'd want that old thing, but she'd appreciate the beauty of the restoration. Rich would want to be right in the middle of the project, and he is in many ways. I hope that each time I look at that camper in the future, I think of friendship, kindred spirit connections, joy, and the importance of "doing life together" with friends. 

Healing happens in different ways for different people. And right now, for me, it looks like working on an old 50's model vintage camper. 

Love this old screen door and metal door! Everything is original!

Despite Rich telling me that I needed to be sure to take pictures of the before and after, I forgot!  This is as early as I got a picture!  I had already torn out a lot of the wall at this point.

 This was the progress that I made today! Removed counter top, cabinet, and discovered that the original color of the camper was PINK and white!!!! What a fun find!

**Chris Stapleton has committed to bringing awareness of mental illness and suicide through his song, Fire Away, and his promotion of the following organization:  http://www.changedirection.org/

I love that he has hit this issue "head on" through a medium that is familiar and will likely reach more people (music).