Havasupai

Last December, my friend, Mindy texted me “Do you want to go to Havasupai?!” 

My immediate response was “Hell, Yes! ….. What’s Havasupai???”

Havasupai is an 800 year old Native American Indian reservation at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. It is extremely difficult to obtain a pass to visit, yet Mindy knew a couple that had gone before and they were able to access first opportunity for possible passes for this year. 

https://www.theofficialhavasupaitribe.com/

As I searched info on Havasupai early on, I realized that we would be on the reservation during the Harvest full moon. (?!) I have looked forward to last night’s full moon ritual for almost a year!!!

Years ago, I read the book, Wild, by Cheryl Strayed. My takeaway from her personal account of her trek of the Pacific Crest Trail was this: She was in a checkout line, saw a book on hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. She went to REI and bought all the gear, then she set out on the trail never having hiked or camped before. 

Yep.

TOTALLY something that I would do. I always wanted to try it. I don’t even know why. Maybe because I love a good challenge? Perhaps because I like going “against the grain” of what people expect of me versus how I see myself? I don’t know. But, it has always been in the back of my mind. 

I could not have been more unprepared for this trip as I tore off the tags to my brand new backpack and unpacked the Amazon boxes to fill it the night before I flew out.

Yet, I made it. 

As an avid “people watcher,” I observed people from all over the world trekking a tough hike in to what can only be described as paradise. 

It’s an expensive and difficult trip to make. I have seen more Lululemon and Patagonia gear than you could “shake a stick at,” so what is the draw to “roughing it?”

Same as mine…most of the people that I’ve met have been doctors, lawyers, biologists, writers, teachers, entrepreneurs…and what are we all seeking? Peace, connection, adventure…(???)

I was walking to the campground from the village yesterday, and I caught up to a Dad with his two sons who appeared to be about 4 and 6 years old. He was walking between them holding their hands as they stumbled over rocks and bore the weight of their gear. When they briefly mentioned their little legs being tired, he said “Let’s pretend that we’re helicopters! Cranking up those propellers!” as he circled their arms and magically instilled motivation in them to keep going forward. I can’t imagine the relational foundation that he’s building with his children. 

I saw couples sitting together waiting for the moon to appear over the canyon rim. Families playing in waterfalls. Laughter. Joy. 

In the middle of nowhere. 

No technology. 

No electricity. 

No running water. 

Generally speaking, most if not all of us here are accustomed to all the comforts available to us in life, yet we’re choosing to place our bodies in discomfort to achieve…something. 

I’ll admit…the first night, even this view from my hammock wasn’t enough to make me think all of it was worth it. 

Actually, that’s not true. I did think it was worth it to see that view and experience the magic of the canyon…. Yet, I was ready to go. 

I had seen it. 

I thought of Clark Griswold in National Lampoon’s Vacation when he stands overlooking the Grand Canyon, nods, and then says, “Ok, Let’s Go!”

I couldn’t sleep at all the first night, so instead of sleeping, I mentally planned my escape. I would helicopter out the next day, drive 3 hours to Vegas, stay on the strip, dinner, shows…come back to pick up the crew on Wednesday when they hiked out. Done. 

One of our group members was injured on the hike down, and the next morning, I learned that he would need to be helicoptered out that day. Of course, I volunteered to help by flying out with him, driving him to his hotel, then proceeding on my way to Vegas. See…I’m “helping!” 😬

I was assured that he would be just fine making it on his own. 🙄

I had actually decided that my middle of the night fantasies were just that anyway as I couldn’t possibly leave Mindy and the rest of the group behind just to escape mild discomfort. 

The deeper part of me though needed to know why I was there. 

That required staying.

Last night, Mindy and I sat at the edge of Mooney Falls overlooking the falls and waiting on the moon to appear over the rim in front of us. At some point, I looked behind us and we realized that the light on the canyon was from the moon rising on the horizon, but hidden from our view by the canyon wall in front of us. 

INCREDIBLE. 

We had never seen the moon rise in such a way! 

It reminded me of the full moon ritual in November of 2024 as I had just closed on my land purchase that day, and my friends joined me that night. As we sat around a fire that night speaking our Gratitude, Release, and Receive as is a part of my ritual, I spoke out what I saw coming into fruition on that land and the words “Easy Abundance” as an owl “agreed” loudly right where I was pointing. 

Last night, Mindy and I spoke of that night last year and how we would have NEVER been able to predict that we’d be sitting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon overlooking a gorgeous waterfall waiting for the moon to peek over the rim and watching it bathe the canyon wall behind us…slowly moving down…inching closer and closer to us until it met us and we saw the moon appearing over the edge in front of us. 

Truly breathtaking. 

Easy Abundance. 

So, what did I need to know? 

“Easy” doesn’t mean “no effort.” 

“Abundance” doesn’t mean “comfort.” 

Witnessing the full moon come up in a reflection behind us gave me the renewed awareness that it’s the same moon no matter where we are…yet seeing it through a lens that seems to be unrivaled only makes me want to continue seeing it through different lens. 

We’re all in it for different reasons…and, also…the commonality seems to be that we’re doing it.. pursuing. 

Whatever “it” is.

 

Cali Journey

People who know me well know that one of my absolute favorite movies is Eat, Pray, Love. One day, as I was walking across the grounds at Mount Madonna, I realized that I felt as if I were living out the movie. 

I was there, in part, for my own growth and healing. 

I had attended a ceremony that morning at the Sankat Mochan Hanuman Temple on the property and felt entranced as I heard the devotion of the crowds of people singing Arati songs and prayers. 

The entire experience within my training/retreat was transformative and accomplished my intention…to train in a powerful healing modality that I will offer to others as well as to experience the power of the treatment first-hand. The result is biologically proven to “open the heart” and re-establish “critical periods” reminiscent of a child’s ability to easily learn a new language or play an instrument. 

So, my real life “Pray” experience was more than I could have imagined it to be. 

As I arrived in Santa Barbara to my friend, Christine’s home, we set out on a planned itinerary that she had carefully curated. 

We spent much time looking across the ocean, meandering through shops and quaint towns, visiting her favorite restaurants and neighborhood stops. 

We drove up to wineries, drove down to Malibu where I bought a hat off a woman's head (😁), stayed in Ojai (this was my favorite, which of course led me to dream of creating another Hope Springs location in the little downtown area), went to an amazing wine/chocolate/charcuterie dinner around a farm table with 12 strangers who became friends in a garden behind a Spanish villa. 

It sounds like a dream, and it was. I could not have enjoyed any part of this trip more, and there is no way that I could have planned it out. This was the first time ever that I have literally moved from moment to moment trusting that it was “the next right thing,” and it was perfect. 

Last night, Christine and I walked down to State Street in Santa Barbara and enjoyed the beauty of that area as we shopped and dined for our last time together on this trip. As we walked back to her house, we could see the moon in front of us as the sounds of a Beatles tribute band serenaded us from the Santa Barbara Bowl as it echoed throughout the valley.

 

Christine said that she had not eaten so much in such a short period of time as she had since I arrived on Tuesday. I agreed. We were stuffed.

Definitely my “Eat” era within the whole Eat, Pray, Love theme!

As I was drifting to sleep last night, I thought about the similarities between this trip and the movie, and I remembered the trip to Italy that I bought last month at the Walton County Chamber of Commerce BBQ & Bourbon event! 

My friend, Mindy, went with me, and I had downloaded the auction bidding app as we entered the event. The trip to Cortona was screaming at me every time we walked around the silent auction items, and I pulled it up on my app. Mindy came alongside at one point and whispered, “DO IT.” 

“Nooooooooooo…….I can’t do that.” 

As the night wore on, we came back around the auction items as we each had several bids going, and I stopped yet again in front of the Cortona, Italy display. 

“DO IT!” Mindy said again. 

I stood there. Staring at the display board. 

“Under the Tuscan Sun…..” she whispered.

Without thinking, I hit “Bid Now!” and the trip was mine. 

So, I know what you’re thinking….the “Love” part. 

That’s already all around me. That has been interwoven throughout!

So…. On to Italy!!!🇮🇹 (and now that those "Critical Periods" have been reopened, I can learn Italian!)

Journeys- Day Whatever!

 Leaving the retreat yesterday, Dr. Dansky said “This is not ‘Goodbye’ but simply a long ‘Hello.’” 

Whew. Yes. I feel that. 

This community that was created this past week is just beginning. 

I’m just overwhelmed with gratitude today.

For the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream that I wasn’t even aware needed to be a dream…but my soul felt it as I experienced it. 

For the 17 mile drive through Pebble Beach that I got sidetracked on (Shocker! 🤪) and only made it like 8 miles, but enjoyed every “rabbit trail!”

For the ability to explore the quaint storybook village of Carmel-by-the-sea last night and then end my day watching the sun set on the pacific coast.

For the drive down to Big Sur today and especially for my current view. 

A friend last night commented to me “It’s what dreams look like.”

My response was, “It’s real. We create our dreams.”

We do. ❤️

“Journeys”- Day 8

What a bittersweet day. 

There is no way to describe the closeness that develops within a group of people when you are practicing such healing work on each other….Willingly bringing our deepest lingering traumas to the table in the name of educating ourselves and others so that we can offer more complete healing to ourselves first and then those that we serve. 

That’s what I love the most about experiential trainings. The practice work on each other is sacred and offers us grace and freedom within our practice work prior to “practicing” with clients. We are willingly placing ourselves under each other’s care as “lab rats” in a way…

It is beautiful. 

Yesterday, I served as the Clinician for my peer. 

Just as in our typical protocol within EMDR work, we settled in, established her history, target, negative and positive cognitions, etc. Then, we placed her headphones so that she could spend 15 minutes listening to BrainTap to get her brain into Alpha/Theta waves while she used a Ketamine lozenge. 

The EMDR reprocessing experience was a much deeper, faster “movement” reprocessing. 

Naturally, the Ketamine works to remove the “defenses” that hold us in that “protective” state of holding the deeper truths. 
Without going into great detail here, I will say that I will 1000% encourage some clients to consider this option as a healing modality, and others, I may request that we build up to the option of that level of vulnerability. 

Overall, I’m beyond excited about what this treatment is going to add to our ability to heal.   

So, today, I say “See you later” to people who have become friends and who know some of my deepest trauma histories just as I know theirs. 

We hold each other with honor and respect along with a lot of tears and laughter. 

I will forever be grateful.

We ended our “Integration” group time last night on the same nightly deck overlooking the Monterey Bay watching the sun set. Last night, though, we expressed our gratitude for each other’s presence there with words and a spiraled-in group hug. One of my group members looked me in the eyes afterwards, and laughingly said, “Welcome to California!” 

Yes, the vibe most definitely resonates with me. Yet, that vibe is true of the people that I tend to spend my time with no matter where I am! When we’re in our “right energy”, the “right energy” naturally comes around us. I do love California, though. 🥰

I’ll travel today further south to Pebble Beach, Carmel-by-the Sea, and Big Sur before spending the night in Carmel. 
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the “communal living” culture here at Mount Madonna, and I do believe that I have cleansed significantly with 5 days of a vegetarian diet! 
And, ALSO…..I’m in search of a filet and a glass of red tonight! (Shhhhh….☺️)

The Sunsets from the deck during our group Integration time each night.

Breathtaking. ❤️

“Journeys”- Rabbits…

 Last year was a key year in my own personal healing journey. In May, two of my closest friends, Lindsay and Alexis, stepped in and supported me with their presence and reiki as I realized that many things in my world needed to shift. 

Once they were finished with the reiki session, Alexis said, “What’s up with you and rabbits?? I just kept feeling like there was something up with bunnies???”

No…I had no idea where she might have picked up a “bunny vibe,” but it didn’t resonate with me. 

Then, the following week, Lindsay texted me a photo of some pictures that Felicia and Amber had hanging in the massage room. 

“Did you know these were in here???” She asked.

I had no idea. The following week, I found a bunny “pin” in my computer bag. 

                                                                                                                    

 

The next week, I bought a house, and when I went to get the utilities in my name after closing, there were bunny pictures all over the walls in the utility department. 

   

Over and Over throughout the year, bunnies showed up….Almost always when I had reached another level of healing using EMDR with my own personal therapist. 

Clients would bring in things that were related to rabbits, and only my close friends knew that this “theme” had been emerging. 

Crazy, right? 

Insignificant? 

I don’t believe in coincidences, yet I couldn’t make sense of it, so it just became humorous as more and more bunnies showed up throughout the year. 

Yesterday, I experienced a ketamine combined with EMDR session. I’ve done a lot of work on all of my trauma targets and cleared them for the most part with the exception of the negative cognition that I identified the other day that still had a bit more “lingering than clearing.”

 

Once I got in and started the EMDR bi-lateral stimulation yesterday, though, my target immediately changed to something that I didn’t expect. 

But, there it was. 

I couldn’t get away from it. 

So, we went with it. 

As it turns out, that was the major piece that needed to be healed in order for all of the cleared targets to tie together. All of that work that I had done over the year had been so purposeful, and yet I couldn’t see how the target that showed up yesterday was affecting me until the ketamine did it’s job and lowered the defenses that were previously blocking that memory. 

After we finished our session yesterday, I walked over to the bookstore at the retreat center. 

This was the first thing that I saw when I walked in the door. 

I immediately picked it up and bought it without much thought. 

After dinner, I felt a bit restless, and we still needed to reconvene to have our “integration” time as a group. I came to my room and opened up the book wondering why I had never read it to my boys. As many books as we read through the years, and this was not one of them?! 

No, it was just for me. For this moment.

“When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.” (Said the Skin Horse)
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?” (The Velveteen Rabbit)
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

I read this portion to my group when we met for integration after dinner. My peer partner was in tears as she finally spoke and said, “There was a bunny that hopped behind you right as you started your processing!” 

Of course there was. Signs and wonders. They are always there if we are just willing to see them.