Phoenix Rising

 Phoenix Rising

Game of Thrones was introduced to me over the past year, and I immediately found myself drawn to the character, Daenerys Stormborn, of the House Targaryen (Khaleesi). She is the “Mother of Dragons.” Today, I left Felicia, my friend and “Energetic massage expert” (there is no title that does her work justice!) after she worked on my “heart space” for over 2 hours. I told her as I left that I kept picturing her as Khaleesi as she worked on me. She birthed a dragon.

Over and over during the past month, I have remarked that I was in the “Phoenix Rising” portion of healing from past traumas. 

When Felicia worked on me a few weeks ago, she noted that my heart area was “locked up.” She suggested that we do some deeper physical work to help release that area. In preparation for our work together today, she asked me ahead of time to send her some of my favorite songs. She incorporated them into her playlist that helps her to “let loose and release.” I literally felt my hands and arms burning as I did the initial “breath work”…I kept thinking that the burning represents my hands always trying to “fix” what’s wrong. 

My feet and legs began burning, and I thought about the fact that all of my limbs were on fire…the fire before the rising. 

As she worked on my core and chest, I began to feel nauseated. That space in the middle of my chest that I had told my therapist that I felt a painful experience that I was working through in….the deepest part of myself. I began feeling that area releasing upwards and downwards and I felt nauseated and like I was going to scream at the same time. I felt it shift and I experienced a feeling of floating…rising. 

During this experience, the song “You Say” by Lauren Daigle was playing: 

https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI?si=uazFNoTb8EIwcNDg

The opening lyrics of “You Say”:

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough

Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low

Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe (I)

Oh, I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe

Every season in our lives has a purpose…some of those seasons are for healing….for showing us what is present that needs attention to be able to receive what we need in the next season. 

For the first time in my life, this past year, I have allowed myself to love fully, forgive when I wouldn’t have otherwise, look at myself within any situation to see how I contributed and work on making corrections. I have allowed myself to live with “Abandon”…the word that came to me over 10 years ago as my “word of the year” and has resonated ever since. Once you’ve lived with that kind of freedom to feel, you can’t go back. Even if you get hurt, we can deal with the hurt. We truly can. But, we can’t shut ourselves off from feeling that kind of “no holds barred abandon” to love once we’ve experienced the freedom and joy of it. 

The playlist that Felicia played during our session: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2JZUxDGm9QxjQoOywZpWxB?si=N1jWn7l6SbCAFRKVR_1K9w&pi=u-eXMPwNibRky1