“Sails”

 Within my last blog post, I got more honest and vulnerable acknowledging that my “love life” was an area where I have never been willing to relinquish control.  

It provided accountability to me to have it “out there” as a piece of my life to “release.” 

And, also…people started responding to my vulnerability. I have been shocked by some of the things that have happened and comments made as a result of people reading “glimpses of ‘my’ heart!” 

There were at least 10 people over these past 2 weeks who texted, called, or told me in person something to the effect of “I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell you this, but….”  

Well, I know! When we get out of the way, The Spirit speaks! 

I tend to describe our “stuff” in this way to my clients: All of us have things from our past that are disturbing to us. We may be consciously aware of it or not. It is still there somewhere in our bodies and our subconscious space whether or not we’re consciously aware. We may not understand why we do the things that we do and how they are impacting our lives and relationships, but you can bet that there is likely something from our past that has created a negative belief about ourselves that is leading that charge.

I describe us, as humans, as mostly living in our head-space (cognitive) versus our heart-space (subconscious truth.) 

See…we can tell ourselves anything, ruminate over and over about situations or our next course of action….but our truth is generally “neck down.” In our subconscious “heart space.” Note that this “truth” may not be TRUE about us….but it is genuinely what we subconsciously “feel” to be true…positive or negative, for better or worse!

That “heart space”….where we are tenderly hiding that negative belief about ourselves or messages that we have accepted from others tends to speak softly yet convincingly. 

Recognize that our “heart space” generally needs healing from all of the “growing up” years and relationships. It may tell us we’re “not enough” or that EVERYTHING is our fault….once we realize what we’re accepting as our “truth”, though, we can start healing and changing that narrative to our GENUINE truth…who we know ourselves to be or we may just discover who we were created to be in the first place.

This is what I KNOW happens to us when we get “out of our head” and start living within our “heart space”….as we become more vulnerable, we quickly see who in our current “circle” is emotionally safe versus who we feel the need to be guarded with. It is then up to us to clean up our “circle” so that we cultivate as much emotional safety as possible. 

This is the only way to thrive. 

It takes strength, and it is not a weakness. 

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

— Brené Brown

Getting out of our head and surrendering to what is “meant” for us makes room for people to be used by God to speak into our situation and circumstance…and ultimately to bring the right answers and the genuine truth to our reality. 

So, this “manifesting love” piece…

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”

— Brené Brown

I love Brené Brown’s teachings on shame and vulnerability. Read that last line of the last quote again….”Love can only survive those kind of injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and RARE.” One of the things that shocked me over the past weeks is how frequently I heard people who are married or in a committed partnerships express that they ALSO want their “Person.” 

Why??? 

Because they are neglected, injured mentally, emotionally or physically, and are starving from a lack of connectedness…and they feel stuck in the situation. 

As humans, we are likely to unintentionally “injure” our “Person” just by being human…when it’s a pattern (NOT rare), we have to determine what changes need to be made in order to thrive. 

I’m so thankful that over the years, I made changes. 

I learned how to carefully cultivate “my people.” 

Those who love me when I’m “on”, when I’m “off”, who give grace for my mistakes, and those who love the fun, wild, and crazy Sherie along with the version of me that propels towards visions and dreams faster than a caffeinated squirrel on a sugar high! (Thankfully, Lindsay, our COO, has prevented many catastrophes as a result!) 

As I’m learning to “let go,” God has given me confirmations and reminders of love over and over again….

A renewed connection with a long-time friend who knew just how to speak into my own personal life with historical knowledge that was needed for managing present emotions.

Daily experiences of “randomly” seeing people that I haven’t seen in a long time and feeling the joy of catching up. 

Someone who has known me in “bits and pieces” over many years just from living/working/playing in the same town…this person had a song that reminded them of me, so we MADE time to sit and listen to it when they told me about it…MAKE TIME. That song was mine and has held me all week.

Someone who had a life-changing experience within EMDR, and when they read my post and watched my reel, they reached out after weeks of feeling the need to and shared the same visual with me that had supported them so well within their healing work with me. It was exactly what I needed, and it was right on time. 

Over and over again….Love showing up in concrete ways.

We just have to release…and The Universe rushes in. 

This song was gifted to me in the midst of Brooks‘s graduation weekend in the middle of all the celebrating. 

It was right on time, and you know wanna know why??? 

…because I made space for it energetically. 

…because I made space, and that enabled a friend to hear that it was for me.

…then we made time for it in the moment by seizing the opportunity for me to receive it.

Click link:

Clear Out the Space!

“I will wait…”

“I will wait…” 

Throughout my life, I’ve always trusted God to direct my steps. There was one area in life, however, that I held onto as mine to control. 

My romantic partnership. 

I grew up with a strong fear of abandonment. I avoided dating people who seemed to be “flight risks.” I ended one relationship in my teens because I was beginning to like him too much…time to end it before I risk hurt! 

I remember sitting with a friend and mentor months before I got married, and he asked me about my fiancé. The first thing out of my mouth was, “Well, I know that he’ll never leave me.” We went on to talk about the absence of deep emotion that I felt for him, and he exclaimed, “You can’t do this! You will miss out on the passion of life! It’s worth the risk!” 

Yet, I wasn’t healed from that fear of abandonment to be able to take that risk. 

I married him and had a life that I felt safe and secure in for almost 20 years. The absence of deep emotion and passion, however, created a void in me that no longer felt manageable. 

I did many different things to try to distract myself and find joy in life…until I couldn’t. 

I consulted with many trusted advisors and mentors, and one of my favorites who happens to be a leading marriage and family therapist in our field said something profound that resonated deeply. 

He said, “Sherie, you can’t create passion if it isn’t there from the beginning. It is either there or it isn’t. You can create a “rich” relationship if both of you are willing to do the hard work.” 

Yet, I knew that even that wasn’t possible at that point. There were many good things about the marriage, and yet there were too many differences in the areas that were core values to me that were not able to be resolved no matter how much work went into it. 

There was much pain, regret, tears, relief, guilt, shame, hope, feelings of failure…a roller coaster of emotions. 

I had to learn that I wasn’t grieving the loss of the person as much as I was grieving the loss of the dream. 

I had to learn that focusing on my feeling of failure was about MY EGO…

it didn’t mean that I needed to continue to live in a situation that was costing me more than I could bear. 

I had trusted God with every part of my life except that one, and I was still hanging onto my own will and logic after divorce. 

I entered into a relationship after divorce with someone that I would have never been with if he hadn’t been an old childhood friend, and even though I knew all along that we needed to stay friends, I logically thought that everyone around me needed it to be more. 

My children, his children, friends, family…they all enjoyed parts of the relationship that the “people pleasing” Sherie just went with because I thought it was best for everyone else. 

The problem was that it wasn’t best for me. 

It wasn’t what God directed. 

It was “logical.”

As I have dated since, (one 2 year relationship and a few short dating encounters), I approached those with my cognitive list of “needs” within my partner. 

I tried to make myself adjust and compromise some of those needs within that 2 year relationship, and then when going on those few dating experiences following, I knew that there were just some standards/values that couldn’t be compromised, so I continued to adjust and add to my “list.” 

The “Master List” idea came from a dear friend of mine who made her own list several years ago, and when she read it to me, I said, “Well, of course! Every ONE of us wants THAT guy! It’s unrealistic. Doesn’t exist.” 

Then, she found him and even referenced our conversation in her wedding vows….“He DOES exist!” (Anyone else hearing the voice of an M&M seeing Santa from the Christmas commercial? 😆) 

So, I continued to adjust my “list” and began the habit of “manifesting” my “Person” especially as I do my full moon ritual each month (IYKYK…in nature, watch the moon rise while in front of a fire, 3 separate pages on which I write my Gratitude, Release, and Receive, and then I slow burn the Release page). 

Before the April 13, 2025 full moon, I met with my personal therapist (thankful that we were able to heal that abandonment fear and now, risks are embraced!), and we were talking about my frustration with the “wait” for my true “Person.” 

She said, “Sherie, you have given everything else to God and released control of all of them…except this one. Your business, your children, etc…you have focused on just doing the ‘next right thing’ yet you’ve trusted God with those knowing that there is only so much you can do to impact those areas, and then you do everything that you can. But, you’ve got to release this.” 

And, she was right. I spent that April 13, 2025 full moon doing the same thing I normally do, but with a sense of complete surrender. 

I felt free of any responsibility for energetically MAKING something happen in regard to my love life. 

I released it. 

And, that was the piece that was needed to allow myself to be able to give and receive with love and grace. 

And, ALSO, that models how God loves us! (Who knew that He knew what He was doing all along, right?! 😬)

So, the “I will wait” part…My son, Chase, and I have been doing a “Trusting God’s Plan in the Waiting” study on the Bible app. We both have admitted, “This is good stuff…and, ALSO….WE HATE WAITING!!!” 

I went to Athens Church this morning with Chase and Brooks, and as soon as we heard the title of the message, Chase and I looked at each other like….

”REALLY???”        Waiting.        That was the topic.        *sigh* 

There were three main takeaways for me today from that message. 

1. I realized that I haven’t been “waiting” all these years for my “Person.” I’ve been in control, and I blocked God from leading the way. 
2. Whenever we are in that waiting period and praying for God’s will to be done, He is preparing us if we are trusting Him through it. I have a friend and colleague that reached out to me in April and sent me a marriage enrichment curriculum that he and his wife have created. He asked that I review it for him and offer my feedback. Just the other day, I emailed him after completing that day’s lesson from the “Waiting” plan that Chase and I are doing together.  I realized that his timing of sending that to me coincides with my desire to grow in my ability to become “Interdependent” with my partner rather than holding onto the fierce “Independence” that has been necessary in a lot of ways and also a lifelong trauma response of feeling like I can only depend on myself. His timing of asking for my review of this marriage curriculum is clearly preparation helping me heal that necessary piece of the puzzle.
3. He always gives us abundantly more than we are even asking Him for. (That “list”? Yeah, He knows the desire of my heart as well as above and beyond what I’m even aware that I need.)

In the meantime, God fills in the void even when it’s difficult. He knew I was having a harder day than normal this past Thursday, so He prompted all of my students that I teach for one of my Internship classes to pour out their gratitude into me of who I have been to them as a professor. (Even though I have felt that I have been terrible at that job lately, they expressed that they felt safety, authenticity, and the ability to be accepted for who they are from me. I needed to hear that desperately!) 

That night, I already had plans for dinner with a friend, and one of my other “inner circle” friends showed up in addition, and we made it a “party.” 

God already has it. 

We just have to trust, let go, stop trying to control it or figure it out. 

The only way to receive is with open hands. 

So, I will wait.