“I will wait…”

“I will wait…” 

Throughout my life, I’ve always trusted God to direct my steps. There was one area in life, however, that I held onto as mine to control. 

My romantic partnership. 

I grew up with a strong fear of abandonment. I avoided dating people who seemed to be “flight risks.” I ended one relationship in my teens because I was beginning to like him too much…time to end it before I risk hurt! 

I remember sitting with a friend and mentor months before I got married, and he asked me about my fiancé. The first thing out of my mouth was, “Well, I know that he’ll never leave me.” We went on to talk about the absence of deep emotion that I felt for him, and he exclaimed, “You can’t do this! You will miss out on the passion of life! It’s worth the risk!” 

Yet, I wasn’t healed from that fear of abandonment to be able to take that risk. 

I married him and had a life that I felt safe and secure in for almost 20 years. The absence of deep emotion and passion, however, created a void in me that no longer felt manageable. 

I did many different things to try to distract myself and find joy in life…until I couldn’t. 

I consulted with many trusted advisors and mentors, and one of my favorites who happens to be a leading marriage and family therapist in our field said something profound that resonated deeply. 

He said, “Sherie, you can’t create passion if it isn’t there from the beginning. It is either there or it isn’t. You can create a “rich” relationship if both of you are willing to do the hard work.” 

Yet, I knew that even that wasn’t possible at that point. There were many good things about the marriage, and yet there were too many differences in the areas that were core values to me that were not able to be resolved no matter how much work went into it. 

There was much pain, regret, tears, relief, guilt, shame, hope, feelings of failure…a roller coaster of emotions. 

I had to learn that I wasn’t grieving the loss of the person as much as I was grieving the loss of the dream. 

I had to learn that focusing on my feeling of failure was about MY EGO…

it didn’t mean that I needed to continue to live in a situation that was costing me more than I could bear. 

I had trusted God with every part of my life except that one, and I was still hanging onto my own will and logic after divorce. 

I entered into a relationship after divorce with someone that I would have never been with if he hadn’t been an old childhood friend, and even though I knew all along that we needed to stay friends, I logically thought that everyone around me needed it to be more. 

My children, his children, friends, family…they all enjoyed parts of the relationship that the “people pleasing” Sherie just went with because I thought it was best for everyone else. 

The problem was that it wasn’t best for me. 

It wasn’t what God directed. 

It was “logical.”

As I have dated since, (one 2 year relationship and a few short dating encounters), I approached those with my cognitive list of “needs” within my partner. 

I tried to make myself adjust and compromise some of those needs within that 2 year relationship, and then when going on those few dating experiences following, I knew that there were just some standards/values that couldn’t be compromised, so I continued to adjust and add to my “list.” 

The “Master List” idea came from a dear friend of mine who made her own list several years ago, and when she read it to me, I said, “Well, of course! Every ONE of us wants THAT guy! It’s unrealistic. Doesn’t exist.” 

Then, she found him and even referenced our conversation in her wedding vows….“He DOES exist!” (Anyone else hearing the voice of an M&M seeing Santa from the Christmas commercial? 😆) 

So, I continued to adjust my “list” and began the habit of “manifesting” my “Person” especially as I do my full moon ritual each month (IYKYK…in nature, watch the moon rise while in front of a fire, 3 separate pages on which I write my Gratitude, Release, and Receive, and then I slow burn the Release page). 

Before the April 13, 2025 full moon, I met with my personal therapist (thankful that we were able to heal that abandonment fear and now, risks are embraced!), and we were talking about my frustration with the “wait” for my true “Person.” 

She said, “Sherie, you have given everything else to God and released control of all of them…except this one. Your business, your children, etc…you have focused on just doing the ‘next right thing’ yet you’ve trusted God with those knowing that there is only so much you can do to impact those areas, and then you do everything that you can. But, you’ve got to release this.” 

And, she was right. I spent that April 13, 2025 full moon doing the same thing I normally do, but with a sense of complete surrender. 

I felt free of any responsibility for energetically MAKING something happen in regard to my love life. 

I released it. 

And, that was the piece that was needed to allow myself to be able to give and receive with love and grace. 

And, ALSO, that models how God loves us! (Who knew that He knew what He was doing all along, right?! 😬)

So, the “I will wait” part…My son, Chase, and I have been doing a “Trusting God’s Plan in the Waiting” study on the Bible app. We both have admitted, “This is good stuff…and, ALSO….WE HATE WAITING!!!” 

I went to Athens Church this morning with Chase and Brooks, and as soon as we heard the title of the message, Chase and I looked at each other like….

”REALLY???”        Waiting.        That was the topic.        *sigh* 

There were three main takeaways for me today from that message. 

1. I realized that I haven’t been “waiting” all these years for my “Person.” I’ve been in control, and I blocked God from leading the way. 
2. Whenever we are in that waiting period and praying for God’s will to be done, He is preparing us if we are trusting Him through it. I have a friend and colleague that reached out to me in April and sent me a marriage enrichment curriculum that he and his wife have created. He asked that I review it for him and offer my feedback. Just the other day, I emailed him after completing that day’s lesson from the “Waiting” plan that Chase and I are doing together.  I realized that his timing of sending that to me coincides with my desire to grow in my ability to become “Interdependent” with my partner rather than holding onto the fierce “Independence” that has been necessary in a lot of ways and also a lifelong trauma response of feeling like I can only depend on myself. His timing of asking for my review of this marriage curriculum is clearly preparation helping me heal that necessary piece of the puzzle.
3. He always gives us abundantly more than we are even asking Him for. (That “list”? Yeah, He knows the desire of my heart as well as above and beyond what I’m even aware that I need.)

In the meantime, God fills in the void even when it’s difficult. He knew I was having a harder day than normal this past Thursday, so He prompted all of my students that I teach for one of my Internship classes to pour out their gratitude into me of who I have been to them as a professor. (Even though I have felt that I have been terrible at that job lately, they expressed that they felt safety, authenticity, and the ability to be accepted for who they are from me. I needed to hear that desperately!) 

That night, I already had plans for dinner with a friend, and one of my other “inner circle” friends showed up in addition, and we made it a “party.” 

God already has it. 

We just have to trust, let go, stop trying to control it or figure it out. 

The only way to receive is with open hands. 

So, I will wait.