Before I set out on the day’s adventure, I booked a car rental, so I walked from the restaurant about a mile over to the Hertz station. The walk started out beautifully as I took in all of the history of the area…the historic hotels, a Macy’s that has been in Union Square since 1947, and lots of new “hipster” shops speckled through the “old.”
Then, I hit Ellis Street, and the environment shifted dramatically.
I shifted accordingly from “I’m clearly a tourist” mode into “I’ve got somewhere to be, and I’m late getting there” mode.
Jesse at the Ellis St. Hertz location was proudly “Service Agent of the Month” for a whole wall of months (he was great, but I did wonder if he was the only person brave enough to work there). He ushered me inside with a protective flair, handed me a water, and sent me on my way within 5 minutes, so he clearly made “Service Agent of the Century” in my book!
Y’all know where I was heading, right?
The Redwood Forest has been calling to me since I was old enough to know what it was.
So, I headed north.
I had promised a friend a photo from me of the Golden Gate Bridge, so I stopped after I crossed it to get a proper selfie.
What a gorgeous view and amazing history. Do you know that it is said to be the most photographed bridge in the world? As I stood there taking my selfie, I wondered how many times people have been asked “Will you take our picture?” (I held 3 strangers’ phones after being asked, and then I decided that I needed to take my selfie and get out of there before I ended up with another job!)
As I continued on to Muir Woods to take in the Redwoods, I thought about how this was another “bucket list” experience for me (not that I have a list).
“Bucket list experiences” in recent years have seemed to be accompanied by some really difficult pieces. Without going into a lot of detail, I have enjoyed the “bucket list experience” that I was taking part in, and ALSO…there was a significant hurt that is unfortunately now attached to the memory.
Even with this two week trip, the first part of it was planned to include a bucket list experience that didn’t end up happening.
One of the things that disturbs me more than anything is when I let someone down. That fear of disappointing someone goes back as far as I can remember, and in recent years, as I have been busier than ever raising my children and working, the likelihood of not meeting someone’s expectations increases as my availability decreases.
As much as I LOVE serving others, burnout due to serving too many, too often, with too few reprieves takes a toll. (This is one of the beautiful benefits to me of this training this week…the experiential practice is healing to the “healer!”)
The bucket list experience that was planned for the first part of this trip didn’t happen because I was not able to do all of the things last week that everyone around me needed me to do.
So, as I was driving to Muir Woods, I whispered, “God, please help me to protect this experience. I’ve waited on it my entire life.”
It was affected though. I had a difficult conversation within an hour of my reservation to Muir that left me feeling emotions that felt consuming.
I walked into those woods feeling like my soul needed a hug.
And, that’s exactly what the woods do.
There are no words for what I saw while I walked through the woods for hours.
I can tell you that I smelled earth, water, foliage.
I felt the sun shining onto my face as it beamed through the tree branches.
I took deep breaths filling my lungs and my heart with gratitude that I was in that space.
I took my time.
I wandered up on a deer.
I listened to the water running over rocks.
I walked through the Cathedral Grove, and I thought about how God had given me my own “Oak Grove” on my land at home.
I found “gnome” houses in the bases of trees.
I saw shapes of animals and a man’s face in a tree in the Bohemian Grove.
It wasn’t until the end of my hike that I was able to actually touch one of those big Redwoods, though.
It just felt too sacred.
When I did, though, that’s when the energy of that tree touched that part of me that was hurting, and it said to me, “You can hold both.”
“And, Also….”
Two distinctly different things can be true at the same time.
I can be sad that something is true and still be in awe of the fact that I am experiencing something that I’ve longed to experience.
Of course.
The peace that came with that awareness led me to drive over to experience my first west coast sunset.
Now, I know why I don’t have an actual “bucket list”….a West Coast sunset wouldn’t have been on it.
And, also…it should have been.
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